You made me cry and you don't even care
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
