It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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