I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
