I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
