got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my being single is dangerous.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
