I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
