I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
