I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
