By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
