you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
