she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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