I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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