just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
