dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
