I want to walk on stilts...naked
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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