You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
