She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
