did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
