Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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