I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
