Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
