For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
