OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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