you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
