Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Boobs are out for the taking
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
