No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
