i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
