dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
