At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
