Where is the hickey?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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