The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I came so hard my ears popped.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
