her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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