so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
