He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
