She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
