I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
