dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I deserve this hangover.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
