Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i out mim tonsoeep
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