Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
