we have pet lesbian snakes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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