You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
