I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
