i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
