I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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