Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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