The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
