I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
