WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize