living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
