seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
