wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
