dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
