I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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