So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just found puke in my bra..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
