It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
