Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
