Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize