you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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