yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
