carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
