i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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