You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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