So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
zippers are such a cool invention
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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